And I Quote
by Pandora's Maknae
Summary: Basically, I've taken a quote and turned it into a one-shot. All of the scenes take place somewhere in the manga storyline.
1. Use With Caution

**I was looking at quotes when I thought up of this idea. I don't know if it has been done or not, so sorry if I took someone's idea it wasn't intentional. I'm going to pick out a quote and write a dabble about it in the FMA world (As you already read in the summary so why am I typing this again...?) I probably won't have any pairings unless a quote calls for one. **

**Anyways I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist…though it would awesome if I did.**

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_"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing"_ ~Unknown

A series of clanks were heard coming down the halls of Central as Alphonse was walking through them.

"…Brother, are you in here?" he called into a room. Only silence answered him back, and he sighed.

"Yo, Al!" He turned around to see Hughes walking towards him. "What are you snooping around for?"

"I'm looking for brother" Al shook his head in exasperation "Have you seen him around?"

Hughes had a thoughtful look on his face, before he nodded. "Yeah, I think I remember seeing him in the computer lab a few minutes ago"

"Okay thanks Mr. Hughes" Al waved and started to walk away from the man before he yelled for Al to wait.

"Don't you want to see some new pictures of my darling Elysia first?" He started to dig around in his pockets for the pictures of his daughter. When he found them he looked up and found out that Al was long gone. "Huh…Oh well, I bet Roy would love to seem them!" With that he skipped off down the hall towards Roy's office.

"That was close" Al muttered standing in front of the door to the computer lab "He almost-"

"AAARRRGGGHHH!!! GOD DAMN IT!!!" A loud crashing noise followed the cry that came from inside the room.

"What the…?" Al quickly opened the door and found Ed standing above a destroyed computer, fuming. "Brother! What'd you do that for!?"

"The damn computer beat me at chess!" He gave it a quick kick before a smug smile crossed his face and he said "But it couldn't beat me at kick boxing!" Al just sighed and muttered something about his brother being insane, while Ed was laughing.

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So…uh…I don't know it's a little short, but it's just a drabble *shrugs*. If you want me to use a quote leave me one in a review. If I don't use it, I'm going to apologize in advance, because it might have been too hard for me to use it.**


	2. Military Bonding

**Okay here's chapter 2! There's a good amount of swearing in this drabble if your offended at all by that at all, run away while you still can.  
Disclaimer: I still don't own FMA, it would defiantly be screwed if I did.  
I believe that's all so enjoy!

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_"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." ~_Terry Pratchett.

"Ah man it's so freaking cold out here!" Havoc exclaimed. He along with the rest of Colonel Mustang's crew had been sent out to investigate a series of kidnapping up in a mountain range. Unfortunately for them its winter and it was snowing. They had recently found a cave to spend the night in. Havoc turned around to face Roy, who was digging around in one of the backpacks for food "Why can't you light the damn fire!"

Roy glanced up at him before going back to the backpacks "I'm busy, why don't you just use your lighter?"

"Can't…I uh…sort of dropped it in the snow earlier…" A sigh came from the Colonel, and he pulled out his gloves from his back pocket.

"Fine I'll light the fire" he snapped and caused the small pile of twigs to burst into flames. "I swear you all would be lost without me" he stated with a small shake of his head and a smirk before glaring in the direction where a 'nuh-uh you cocky bastard' could be heard.

They all continued to set up camp and finally managed to finish their tedious task. It was when they were trying to sleep when Havoc started to complain again.

"It's s-so freaking c-cold" He was wrapped up in his sleeping bag and was as close to the fire as he could get. Multiple sighs came from the other occupants in the cave.

"We heard Havoc, we're all cold" Hawkeye said, with a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Yeah, so shut the hell up already! Some of us are trying to sleep!" Edward yelled from the back of the cave.

"B-but it's sooo cold" He continued to moan.

"ARGH THAT'S IT!" Roy shot up in his sleeping bag, slipped on his gloves and snapped. The end of Havoc's sleeping bag was set on fire Havoc just stared at it dumbly for a few seconds he put two and two together.

"OH SHIT! WHAT THE HELL COLONEL!" he screamed while flailing around trying to get out of the bag.

"Hey, you're not cold anymore are you? So stop complaining already" Roy laid back down in his sleeping bag and closed his eyes.

"B-but you could have-" A pillow was thrown at his face.

"Shut up!" Ed glared at everybody in the cave "_This _is one of the reasons why I don't like going on missions with you guys"

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**So uh... review please!**


	3. Anger Management

**Here's chapter 3! This is actually pretty fun to write...Anyways well obviously this one is a lot longer than my other chapters, I'm pretty happy with it (but the second one is my favorite). Again if your offended by swearing at all this story is probably not for you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, but I do own a Ed plushie =3**

**Have a happy New Year everybody! Whoop 2010 it's going to take me forever to start writing that on my papers!**

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_"When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear."_ ~ Anonymous

The sun was just starting to peak over the roof tops when a loud incessant ring could be heard coming from the Elric's dorm. An irritated groan came from the blonde lump buried under the covers.

"It's too early" Edward moaned into his pillow before reaching out with his automail hand to turn off the alarm. He continued to blindly feel for the alarm until a loud crunching noise could be heard. Ed looked up and saw that his hand had smashed the clock into pieces.

"Ah man, not again" He sat up in his bed and stretched, the gears in his automail grinding together. Ed glanced at the clock contemplating if he should fix the thing or not. He sighed _'might as well, I don't need to give colonel bastard another reason to chew me out'_ he thought bitterly. Ed quickly clapped his hands and placed them onto the broken clock and with a flash of blue light, it was back to normal.

"Brother" Al called from the other room "what are you doing in there? It's already six thirty!"

"What?" he glanced at the clock, and sure enough in bright red letter it said six thirty. "Crap! I'm going to be late!" they had just gotten back from another mission the night before, and the colonel wanted to see Ed at seven, probably to give him another lecture.

Ed jumped off of his bed and ran into the bathroom across the hall.

"Man I can already hear him 'how come you are so late Fullmetal? Oh let me guess you had trouble getting up the stairs. That must have been tough and all considering how _short_ you are'" he mumbled to himself with his Roy impersonation while he pulled on a pair a pant that were lying on the floor. Once he finished in the bathroom he ran out towards the kitchen where he tripped over a pile of books.

"Shit!" Ed yelled while books were flung in different direction, Al just watched all of this happen in exasperation. "God damn books" he muttered.

"Why do you have to swear so much brother?" Ed looked up at him from his place on the floor which an offended look.

"I do not swear too much!" Even if Al was a suit of armor, Ed could always tell if Al was giving him certain looks or not. Right now Al was giving him a look of disbelief, which angered him a little. "I don't!…Do I…?"

"Yes, yes you do" Al paused a bit before continuing "I bet you couldn't go the rest of the day without swearing"

"Oh yeah? You're on Al, prepare to lose!"

"Ok then…by the way, you now have ten minutes to get to the colonel's office"

"What? Oh s-" Ed caught himself giving Al, who Ed assumed to be grinning, a quick glare before grabbing his black coat and running out the door. Al just stood there facing the door, waiting. Ed came back a minute later with a sheepish look on his face.

"I uh…forgot where I put the report…" Al pointed towards the kitchen counter "Thanks" With the report in hand he ran towards Central HQ. That alone took ten minutes; he was just going to get there on time if nothing else happened to him. But as fate had it, right before he reached the stair case he saw Hughes walking his way.

"Hey Edward!" Hughes called "Wait up!" Not wanting to look to rude he stopped with a sigh, what's the point of getting there on time the colonel was going to lecture him anyways.

"Hey Hughes" he greeted with a defeated tone; Hughes seemed to miss that because he was already pulling out pictures from his pocket.

"Look at these new pictures of my darling Elysia I just developed"

"That's greet Hughes but I really have to-" Ed tried to say while Hughes was shoving pictures in his face.

"Nonsense whatever you have to do can wait a little longer, this is my daughter we're talking about" the man continued to gush over his daughter for the next twenty minutes or so before Ed had enough.

"Seriously Hughes, Mustang is going to kill me if I don't get to his office soon"

"Oh why didn't you just say so? I'll just show you the rest at lunch then." The man quickly put his pictures away and shoved Ed towards the stairs. "Good luck with Roy, he's not in the best mood today"

'_Great just what I need"_ Ed thought while he sprinted up the stairs. What he didn't see was the mischievous grin on Hughes's face as he left.

'_Well here I go'_ he thought as he opened the door and poked his head though. The rest of Mustangs crew was already there and doing their paperwork, now that was a surprise.

"Hello Edward" Hawkeye's voice came from the other side of the room where she was standing. She was holding her gun in her hand, and it was cocked. Ah that's why they were all working "The colonel's waiting for you"

"Figures" Ed mumbled "well I guess I'll see you guys later then" he walked past Hawkeye and into the colonel's office. Right when he closed the door behind him Havoc and Breda broke into a fit of laughter.

"I wonder how long he's going to last" Breda managed to gasp out. They continued to laugh until Hawkeye shot her gun at the floor near them.

"Okay that's enough get back to work"

"Well it's about time Fullmetal" Roy was sitting behind his desk with his hands folded with his head resting on them. "I was wondering how much longer it would take for your _short_ legs to get you here" Roy smirked waiting for the explosion that was sure to follow.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALLYOU BA-" Ed cut himself off with a large scowl. Roy raised an eyebrow and his smirk grew even larger.

"What was that Fullmetal? I can't hear you from up here" Ed started to grind his teeth together in frustration. He remembered that counting to ten usually helped calm people down.

1…2…

"Well all jokes aside. Where's your report Edward" Ed handed the packet of paper to Roy and sat down with his arms folded.

3…4…

The ticking noise that the clock was making echoed in the room, annoying Ed to no end. How did Mustang put up with it?

5…6…

God how much longer was it going to take for Mustang to finish reading the report? He just wanted to get the lecture over with and get out of there.

7…8…

"Well Fullmetal" Roy put the report down and stared at Ed "Your handwriting is as terrible as ever. How do you expect anyone to be able to read this?"

'_Why don't you try writing on a train while you're half asleep, and then come talk to me about bad handwriting"_

9…

"You're going to have to rewrite the whole thing shorty"

'_Aww screw the bet! Al won't know!'_

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A PIECE OF PAPER COULD SUFFACATE HIM YOU BASTARD!!!" Ed was seething and was about to continue with his rant until he heard the Roy laughing.

"What the hell are you laughing at?!?" He glared, Roy just smirked and said.

"Looks like Alphonse was right, you can't go a day without swearing" Ed just gapped at him

"H-how did you know about that?!? What are you some god damn stalker or something?!?" Roy glared back at him.

"I am not a stalker. For your information you brother called us and told us about your little bet. Which reminds me I better call him and let him know that you lost…" Ed just continued to stare at Roy in shock before.

"AGH AL I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!"

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**Well there you go. I think the endings pretty weak personally but I ran out of ideas...Review please!**

**Hehe I get to keep my family up all night tonight without getting into trouble haha!  
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	4. Good Friends and Jail Cells

**Here's the 4th chappie =3 Thanks to all you guys who have read/faved/alerted/reviewed this story, you guys make my day when you do. This story goes from Ed's POV, Ling's POV, and then to no ones POV if you can't tell.  
Disclaimer: I do not own FMA!**

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_"A good friend will come and bail you out of jail. A great friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'Damn that was fun!'"_ ~ Anonymous

How, just _how _did I get into this mess? I didn't even _want_ to go through with it…okay maybe I did, but I didn't think that we would get _caught_. Ling came up with a brilliant idea earlier today, to go buy some eggs and throw them at the colonel's house. Okay I'll admit it sounds completely juvenile…but when have I ever acted my age in the first place?

We did it Friday night; everybody in the office knows as a fact that the colonel goes out for a drink after work. So we thought that would have been the perfect time to do it. The colonel would come home and see his egg covered house, as pissed as hell…well as pissed as he could be while he's drunk. While we laugh our asses off in a nearby tree…Why a tree you ask? Because it sounded cool, you aren't going get a better explanation from me.

We managed to throw at least a dozen eggs each, before we heard a car driving down the road. We started to panic, where the hell could we hide? The bushes were to damn small for us to hide in, and it took to long to climb a tree. We were screwed, royally screwed. The thought of using alchemy didn't even cross my mind, guess I had a blonde moment at one of the worse times.

When the car pulled over, and the occupants stepped out; I'll admit I was relived for a second it wasn't the colonel. We wouldn't be fried…tonight, but then I noticed that they were police officers. Ling looked like he was ready to bolt or something, ha-ha he's such a pansy. I walked up to them, but Ling keeps saying that I strutted up to them, _me? Strut? _I would never do such a thing…in public.

I pulled out my pocket watch to show that I outranked them, and that I could easily beat the crap out of them if I wanted. But they had the nerve to say it was _fake_, like hell it is! I worked my ass off to get it, and they said it was _fake?!?_

While I was pissed off and lost in thought the guy tackled me, a little extreme if you ask me. What's a sixteen year old gonna do to you huh? Kick your ass? Hell yeah I would! I looked up from my spot on the ground and I saw Ling running away, that was such an asshole move. I probably would have done the same thing though, but still… Anyways the cop the pulled out a gun like thing, what did they call it? A tazar? Yeah that sounds about right, and shot it at Ling. At the time I thought that it was a gun so I was freaking out, oh sure I have been through worse but I didn't want to get shot!

A cord attached itself onto Ling and he fell flat on his face with a yelp, I couldn't help but laugh a little. I heard electricity run through the cord, so they were shocking him…How come the police force has this and not the military!...Well I don't think well have any, note to self as Hughes about it later.

The noise stopped, and the police man went over and dragged Ling over to the car. The one pinning my down did the same. While they were doing this, they were listing off our rights…there weren't too many.

The ride to the station was a quiet one, surprise, surprise. Ling and I didn't make a fuss for once...What do you mean that I'm the only one who makes a fuss, I do not!

So here we are know locked up in a cell for the night, and the damn cops called the colonel. Did you know that he was still at work, and sober? We were so screwed…

That was _awesome!_ It's been forever since I had that much fun! Ed here is sulking still, he's such a party pooper he needs to loosen up a bit. I know that he had just as much fun as I did. Though I have to admit, I'm not looking forward about getting out of here Foo is gonna kill me!

Ed and I egged Mustang's house, why? Because he almost set me on fire when I tried to steal his sandwich…what? I convinced Ed to come with me, it was more so I could have a scape goat if I got caught…that didn't work out to well though…

While we were egging the house, we heard a car. I could stop thinking that we were gonna die right then and now. I wanted to run so freaking badly but it felt like my legs were glued to the ground…nah I'm kidding I figured that if it was the colonel, he would fry Ed first, and I wanted to watch. When the people got out of the car I felt so relieved, and slightly disappointed, but then I frozen again. They're police officers crap! I don't want to be sent to jail again! There's a whole bunch of weirdo's in there!

But then Ed strutted up to them, he's still denying that fact but don't listen to him 'cause he did, and flashed his pocket watch. I thought we were free to go…that is until one of the officers tackled Ed to the ground. That looked like it was going to hurt later, the dude was _huge_!

I figured at that point, what the hell, and ran. I glanced back and saw Ed glaring at me, oh I'm gonna get it later, eh that is if he can catch me. While I was running I felt a small prick on my left shoulder, I had about two seconds to wonder what it was before I did a face plant on the ground. Something was electrocuting me! Is one of the cops an alchemist? When it stopped the officer roughly pulled me off the ground and shoved me in the car. Ed was also thrown into the car after me, and he was laugh! That sadistic bastard, laughing at my pain…

Anyways the ride was surprisingly quiet, I took a peak at Ed to make sure he was still conscious, he was…that's a first. So here we are; I'm grinning like an idiot while Ed's sulking, all in all I think that it was a pretty good day, it could have been worse you know.

"You know this is your entire fault right?" Ed glared at Ling from where he was lying on the bench.

"Eh?" Ling glanced at Ed and then went beck to staring out the window "Yeah, but don't say you didn't have fun" Ed smirked.

"Oh I did" his face darkened "I'm just not looking forward to seeing Mustang. You heard him yelling through the phone, and we were on the other side of the freaking room!"

"Yeah…were dead aren't we?" Ed gave a quick nod "Well since this is probably our last hour, I should tell you" Ling had an extremely serious look on his face, grabbing Ed's full attention "Edward…I love you" Ed became as white as a sheet and he just stared at Ling.

And stared.

And stared some more.

Then Ling burst out laughing "You should have seen the look on your face, priceless! You looked like you were going to faint ha-ha!"

"Oh yeah, like you wouldn't freak out if someone just came up to you and told you that they loved you"

"Oh I don't know, I think it would be pretty cool" Ling was grinning and Ed just sighed.

"You're such a weirdo Ling" Ling's grin grew wider, but faded when the sound of a door shutting was heard down the hall, along with foot steps.

"Well Ed it looks like our times up, it was nice knowing you…I think"

"Same here…Hey wait a second!" Ed glared at him, but Ling just continued ignoring him.

"I think we can agree with one thing here…that was freaking awesome" Ed nodded.

"Hell yeah it was" the foot steps were growing louder, and Ed paled again "I just wish we were going to live longer"

"I don't want to die Ed!" Ling tackled Ed on the bed and hid behind him, just as two dark figures appeared in front of the cell's door.

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**Well how'd you like it? I know that Hughes was dead when Ling entered the manga but just go along with it m'kay?**

**Review please people!**


	5. Join the Army!

**Here's the fifth chapter, and thanks again to everybody who's been reading this fic!  
I want to know if I should start doing some more serious chapters or a few more humor ones. I don't know so it's up to you guys.****  
Disclaimer: I do not own FMA**

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_"Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them."_ ~ Anonymous

"Ah Fullmetal it's about time you got here" Roy smirked from behind his desk, Ed looked absolutely exhausted, oh well I guess that's what happens when you wake the kid up at six in the morning.

"Yeah, yeah" Ed waved him off, his words were slurring together from lack of sleep. "So what the hell is so important that you had to wake me up this early for, somebody better be dying"

Ignoring Ed's comment Roy continued on "I need you to do something for me" he motioned for Ed to sit down, and Ed gave him an apprehensive look while he did so.

"This 'something' better not involve washing your car again" Roy chuckled.

"Oh will you let it go, that was over a couple of months ago. I'm surprised you actually did it though" Ed glared at him and mumbled.

"Yeah well you were threatening to burn my braid off if I didn't you bastard. What was I suppose to do?"

"You thought I would really go through with it?" Ed gave him an innocent look.

"Well…yeah"

Roy sighed "We're getting off track Fullmetal" he pulled out a couple pieces of paper, and shifted through them until he found the one he was looking for. Another smirk crawled onto his face, but not the same 'I'm-better-than-you' smirk, this one was a very sadistic smirk. Growing impatient and a little freaked out Ed snapped at him.

"Will you just tell me what you want me to do already?"

"Alright then" Roy cleared his throat "The military is in need of more soldiers"

"So what am I supposed to do about it, Mustang? I can't just very well run up to some random stranger, drag them back to headquarters, and threaten them to join. It just doesn't work that way…well I don't think so anyways" Ed trailed off, and Roy was glaring at him for interrupting.

"Are you done Fullmetal?" Ed smiled and shrugged "As I was saying, we need more troops. One of the higher ups thought that making advertisements would be a good way to recruit people. The problem is we don't have any advertisements available so we need people to make them for us."

Ed gaped at him, putting two and two together "so you want _me _to make them?" he stared "Oh like _hell_ I am! Go find someone else! Armstrong would probably do it, he likes doing this kind of stuff!"

Roy rubbed at his temples, trying to stop a headache from forming "Will you please quiet down, shorty? It's too early for you to be yelling"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL AN AMOEBA COULD CRUSH HIM!"

Ignoring Ed rant Roy continued on "If we told Armstrong to make these posters, he would most likely scare people off rather than gather them"

"I'm to busy to be doing this crap! I was going to the library to research today!" Ed complained.

"You only need to make one poster Ed, it shouldn't take that long. We'll use the copier to make more"

"But, but-" Ed stammered, Roy raised a hand and cut him off.

"That's an order Fullmetal. I expect to see it done before noon today. You are dismissed" Ed stood up and stomped out of the room. Roy sighed and laid his head on his desk.

"That kid is going to be the death of me"

"Stupid bastard colonel, ordering me to do such a dumb task. I have better things to do with my life" Ed ranted while shuffling through the supply's in his desk, while Al walked into the room.

"Brother, what are you doing?" Ed glanced at him before continuing to tear his desk apart.

"Mustang ordered me to make a poster to get more people to join the military" It was quiet for a few second, and then Al burst out laughing.

"T-they asked you?" Ed nodded and Al started to laugh harder gasping for breath which was weird since he was still a suit of armor "Oh man that's good. No offense brother, but you have terrible taste!"

"I do not!" Ed yelled indignantly, a blush creeping onto his face from embarrassment. Al just kept on laugh much to Ed's chagrin. "Well what ever, do you know where I put all the pens last?" Al nodded and pointed to the second drawer, before walking out of the room still laughing.

"Done!" Ed yelled into the once quiet room, about an hour later.

"Really?" Al questioned from the spot he was sitting at on the floor "let me see then!" Ed then picked up the paper and shoved it into Al's face.

"See? It's awesome isn't it?" Ed had a giant grin plastered on his face

"Uh…yeah, sure is brother" Ed's grin grew larger, and Al started to worry, he didn't want to _enlarge_ Ed's ego.

"I told you that I didn't have bad taste! Now I just have to go give this to the colonel, then we can go to the library okay" Al nodded.

"I'll just go ahead and meet you there"

"Right-o!"

When Al walked out of the room he said to himself "The colonel's gonna kill brother" he glanced back when he heard a door slam, and saw Ed running down the opposite side of the hall "I'll miss you brother" Al continued on with his overdramatic mourning, until he saw a stray cat sitting on the sidewalk.

Ed threw open the doors to the office, grabbing the attention of everybody in the room.

"Hey chief" Havoc greeted while chewing on the end of his unlit cigarette "Here to terrorize Mustang?" Everybody laughed, except for Hawkeye who rolled her eyes at their antics.

"I guess you could say that" Ed grinned "I need to give this to him" he shook the piece of paper in his hand "Is he in his office?"

"No he ran to the bathroom a few seconds ago, you just missed him" Fuery told him, and the grin on Ed's face grew even larger.

"Whoa I don't think I like that look" Breda commented from his desk, eyeing Ed. "What are you going to do?"

"I told you, I just have to give him this piece of paper" he replied innocently and waved it again, but this time Havoc snatched it out of his hands and kept it out of Ed's reach while he looked at it. When he finished reading it he cracked up, and looked down at Ed who had a large smirk on his face.

"Well I don't know when he's gonna get back so why do you just set it on his desk now, eh?" Havoc shoved him into Roy's office, and followed him in shutting the door. "You know he's going to fry you once he see's that right?" Ed just kept smirking and shrugged.

"He can't fry me if I'm long gone, now can he?" He looked at Havoc "Just make sure you tell me what his reaction is, since I'm going to miss it"

"Can do chief, you should probably leave now, Mustang will be back any minute" Ed nodded and ran out of the room.

"See you guys later!"

Just two minutes later Roy returned to the office. Right when he walked into the room Havoc started to snicker quietly, Roy along with the rest of the office raised an eyebrow at him. He soon noticed the stares he was getting and stopped laughing.

"I just uh…remembered a joke?" They stared at him a little longer before going back to their work.

"Oh sir" Hawkeye spoke up just before Roy entered his office "Edward came by while you were gone; he said he had to give something to you. It should be on your desk"

"Right, thank you Hawkeye" with that Roy entered his office and Havoc ran up to press his ear against the door.

"What the hell are you doing Havoc?" Breda asked, now fearing for his friend's sanity.

"I'm waiting for the colonel to blow his top" At their confused looks he explained "The paper Ed had" Suddenly three more people had pressed their ears against the door. Hawkeye sighed at mumbled something about being surrounded by idiots. It was quiet for a few minutes until Roy found the paper. The men who had pressed their ears against the door soon learned that they didn't need to, for Roy had yelled loud enough for the whole building to hear.

"_FULLMETAL!!!"_ Roy slammed open his office doors and stormed out of the room.

"What was on that paper that could piss Mustang off that bad?" Breda looked at Havoc who was lying flat on his back after being thrown back from when Roy left the room. Havoc smiled and recited what was on the paper.

"'_Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them'"_ Everybody who was on the floor started to laugh, until Hawkeye cocked her gun.

"Back to work" There was a mad scramble of everybody getting back to their desks. It was quiet until they heard a few explosions off in the distance, and Falman stated.

"Am I the only one who thinks that the colonel is overacting?" There were a few shakes of heads which told him that he wasn't.

"Oh did I forget to mention?" Havoc had a large smile plastered on his face "Ed also drew a picture of him kicking the colonels ass" Another explosion went off in the distance followed by a few screams, all the group could do was sigh and hope that Roy didn't kill Ed.

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**Well how'd you guys like it? Please review, I'll make Ed give you guys cookies!  
Ed: Huh? What you're gonna make me? Hah I'd like to see you try!  
Okay then. Bring it shorty!  
Ed: OOO I'M GONNA KILL YOU!**


	6. Greed

**Hey, sorry this took so long. I got distracted, you know finals and all...and maybe I got re-addicted to World of Warcraft, but you don't know tha-ah man I just told you. Oh well thank to everybody who has been reviewing/faving/etc! As promised Ed will now give you cookies!...Go on Ed.**** I got this quote from _Beyond Myself._  
Ed:...But...uh Mustang ate them...  
Roy: What no I didn't!  
Al: Yeah Brother stop blaming people for thing you did!****  
Ed: AL!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA...now Ed you did what?  
Ed: Uh...  
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_"Take all you can, Give nothing back." _-Captain Jack Sparrow

Marta groaned and rolled over onto her side so she was facing the metal bars of the cell. She was in the room with a few others, alive or dead she didn't know nor did she wish to find out anytime soon. The room smelt of rot and mold, and it was completely dark. At least she had some kind of night vision being a chimera did have some perks, she ended the thought right there.

_'How dare the military betray us?! We followed our orders like the good dogs we were told to be, what did we do wrong?'_

_'Nothing'_ A voice whispered in the back of her head making her shiver _'Nothing went wrong at all. You were just being used, and no matter how many times you deny it you still know it to be the stone cold truth'_

Being keep in the dark so long must be having a negative effect on her sanity, she decided since she was talking to herself. Various voices could be heard coming from the other side of the door, the alchemists or the guards most likely. She just laid there and stared at the tattoo winding up her arm, thinking about happier times in her life. Marta continued to do this until a muffled scream came from the other side of the door. The others in the cell started to move closer to the bars, and tried to peer through them so they could see who had screamed. More screams were heard coming from the same direction along with gun shots.

_'Is someone coming to rescue us from this hell hole?'_

_'Don't be ridiculous' _the voice was back, mocking her with its words that were slurring together almost like a hiss _'No one would want to save this sorry lot, you were all named traitors of the state remember'_

Marta looked down at her hand and clenched them in frustration, before growling back at the voice inside of her head.

_'Shut up! You know nothing!'_

_'Of course I don't' _Its sarcastic reply just made Marta even more frustrated. Right before she could give the voice a verbal lashing, the door at the end of the hallway flew open and smashed against the wall. Instantly the men at the bars began yelling for help, not knowing if it was the invader or not. The footsteps walked slowly towards the cell, like they were trying to tease them. When the man came close enough Marta was able to distinguish his some features. He had black hair that looks like it had been spiked up with gels, and all of his clothing looked like they were man out of expensive leathers. Marta continued to search the man with her eyes trying to look for a weapon, she was surprised when she couldn't find one.

"Well lookie at what I found here" the mans voice flowed through the air like liquid silver "A bunch of chimera's locked up in a cell. Hmm just what should I do with you guys" the man mumbled out the last part, and a contemplative look crossed over his face.

"Please" one of the men at the bars begged, Dorochet if she remembered correctly "Please let us out of here!" Greed raised an eye brow at this and sighed.

"Now what would I get out of it if I did" he crossed his arms and waited for his answer.

"We'll do anything, but please let us out" A grin crossed the man's face.

"Anything you say Well I guess I can let you out but," he raised his hand "you have to work for me, or the deal is off" There was silence, everybody had a look of unease and suspicion on their faces. Marta was the one who spoke up first.

"Why do you want us, we're monsters" she said with venom laced in her words, the man shrugged.

"You all look like you could be good fighters, and am I right when I say you all hate the military?" Everybody nodded "So do I, so what do you say? I'm a little short on body guards" There were a few hesitant nods "Oh come on I'm going to need a better answer than that" Everybody glanced at each other before a large man, Law, spoke up.

"We'll go with you Mr...?" The man smirked and took of his sunglasses.

"It's Greed, just Greed"

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**Eh it's different than my other stories that's for sure. But hehe I found a loop hole I think the quote could mean Greed in some sort of way when you look at it so...yeah get it? And uh...I think that's it. Review please!**


	7. The Glomp

**It's been awhile since I've updated. I just got a review and thought 'Oh yeah...I should probably write a new chapter for that..." so sorry that it's taken me so long. You know distractions and such...Not really a good excuse and all, but World of Warcraft...it's addictive stuff...  
Ed: HAHA YOU NERD!  
TW: SHUT IT! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!  
Ed: Well I'm not really real. I'm really just your imagination, so you just called yourself a nerd in retrospect.  
TW:...uh...oops...  
**

**Disclaimer: FMA isn't mine.  
**

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_The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch_

"Brother! What are we gonna do?! Mustang is going to _kill_ us!" Alphonse shrieked as the dust that had been blown into the from the explosion settled. Ed stood up from his spot on the ground and brushed of his pants.

"I dunno" he shrugged.

"What do you mean you don't know?!" Ed winced and rubbed his ear, man why did Al have to be so loud?

"Your overreacting Al"

"Overreacting? _Overreacting?! You blew up the whole lab!" _Ed glared at the now pile of rubble.

"Yeah, well those bastard's were asking for it...they called me _short!" _he twitched at the word._  
_

Al sighed "That's not a good enough reason for you to blow thing's up brother! How are we going to explain this one to Mustang? We were only here to inspect the lab too..." Ed was silent, he had a pensive look on his face. Al sighed and was about to continue on with reprimanding Ed when a maniacal grin grew on his face.

"Hey Al" Ed turned to him slowly and his grin didn't falter, Al shrunk back in fear "I have an idea"

"Fullmetal, Alphonse" Roy acknowledged the two as they entered the room without looking up from the document he was signing.

"Colonel Bastard" Ed nodded and threw himself onto the leader couch, Al just followed behind nervously. Roy threw Ed an unimpressed glare before leaning back in his chair.

"Well I didn't expect you two to be back so soon"

"Uh...Well you gave us a week...and its been a week..." Al spoke quietly from his spot next to Ed on the couch, he was nervously ringing his hands together.

Roy frowned at them and leaned forward "True, but you two usually take some rather...unnecessary detours on your missions" He rested his head in his hand and smirked at the two of them "So who's trying to kill you this time?"

Ed's face grew a bright red "NO ONE!" he glared at the Colonel "We just had nothing else to do. Besides aren't you always telling us not to take these 'unnecessary detours'" Ed mocked in a horrible attempt to copy Mustang's voice.

Roy raised an eyebrow "Since when do you listen to what I tell you? Are you feeling okay Fullmetal? Or better yet are you even Fullmetal at all?"

Ed scowled at him and threw on file onto his desk "Just read the damn report so we can get out of here, bastard"

"I thought I was the superior here" Roy stated, but read the report anyways.

Ten minutes later Roy made some weird choking noise, and the Elric's looked at him.

"...Are you okay, sir?" Al asked tentatively, and Roy nodded, though his shoulder were shaking slightly.

"So...What you thought was Armstrong showed up while you two were inspecting the lab?" At their nods he continued "And proceeded to...uh..." he looked down at the paper and snorted again "glomp you?"

Ed nodded again with an extremely serious look plastered onto his face, while Al was fidgeting. "Yes, we think that it was Envy, but we never got the chance to find out"

That's when Roy lost it, he just burst out laughing. Ed and Al just exchanged glances, guess the amount of paperwork finally made him crack. He eventually calmed down and looked at the two on the couch "Next time you boy's blow up a building make sure that there are no witnesses to report you. Though your attempt at a cover up was amusing..." he chuckled again.

"So wait...You knew that we blew the building up even before we walked into here?!" Ed yelled.

"_We?"_ Al interjected "I believe that _you_ were the one who blew up the lab, brother" Ed just waved him off and Al sighed.

"Yes well..." Roy gave Ed another smirk "The cost for repairs will be coming out of your research funds Fullmetal, you are dismissed" he grabbed his pen again, and continued to sign the paperwork. Ed just gaped at him for awhile longer before standing up and dragging Al out of the room behind him.

Before he slammed the door behind him though, Ed turned around and glared at the Colonel "Creeper!" He called and ran out of the office.

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**Egh short but I liked how it ended. Review please!  
**


	8. 520 Cenz

Okay, sorry it's been awhile since I've last updated? I'm not even going to bother with a excuse, there's really no point, and it's not like I'm the only author who does this. Well it's also 1:30 in the morning, sorry if I missed something. Thanks to everybody who has review/fav-ed/altered/etc this story, I appreciated it!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

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"_Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back." ~Unknown_

Edward, Alphonse and Roy stepped outside of the Fuhrer's office, and Roy quietly closed the door behind them.

"Holy crap!" Ed blanched as soon as the door clicked shut "That was a pretty close call." Al nodded, and Roy just raised an eyebrow at the two of them.

"What are you two talking about?" He questioned, the two brother's glanced at him before deciding to ignore him. "Hey!" He yelled, they didn't even look in his direction this time. The two were too into their conversation. Roy's eye twitched in irritation "Oi, pipsqueak!" Ed stopped talking immediately and slowly turned to face Roy. The temperature in the room dropped a good ten degrees.

"Who the hell...did you call...A TINY MICROSCOPIC PIPSQUEAK SO SMALL THAT THE WORLDS SMALLEST SNOWFLAKE COULD CRUSH HIM?!" Roy smirked down at the raging teen as Al slowly inched away from the bickering duo.

"Oh, you of course."

"WHY YOU!!" Ed moved to pounce on the Colonel, when Al suddenly turned away and walked down the hallway.

"I don't know either of you."

Ed and Roy just stared down the hallway Al had walked down in shock, before a large sadistic grin grew on Ed's face.

"You know Colonel, Al just left." Roy gave him a look.

"No shit sherlock."

"You know what that means, right?" Roy gave him another look.

"I have a few idea's that I would rather not speak with you about, much less perform." Ed stared at him for a moment before realization sunk in.

"OH GATE! YOU _PERVERT_!" Ed mock gagged "I will never do that with you, I repeat, _never_ with _you_. I was going to say since Al wasn't here, I could beat the crap out of you without anyone to stop me, but you completely killed the moment with that comment."

"Oh...uh, sorry?" Roy said sheepishly as Ed glared at him. The two stood there in awkward silence until Ed spoke up.

"How much money do you have on you?" Roy's eyes widened.

"But, I thought you just said that you would never," He was cut off by Ed's screaming once again.

"OH HELL NO! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER, BASTARD!" his glared deepened as he growled "Just answer the damn question, Mustang." Roy shifted through his pockets and held out the coins in front of him. Ed quickly grabbed them all and counted the total, ignoring Roy's indignant cry.

"Really? 520 cenz, that's all?" he shrugged and pocketed the coins "Guess it will have to do." He turned to face Roy, who was sputtering outraged nonsense, Ed smirked at him before running down the hallway Al went down earlier. "See you later, Colonel Bastard!" Roy just watched in shock as the blond alchemist ran around the corner before shaking his head, muttering something about needing a drink.

~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~

Ed sighed as he looked down at the crudely drawn picture of the miniture panda in his hands. No one had seen it anywhere lately, meaning that the Xingese girl was nowhere to be found either. He crumpled up the picture and tossed the ball into a trash can a few feet away.

"Well today was a total waste." Ed muttered and Al shifted next to him.

"Not really, we know she's not here in Central anymore at least." Al pointed out, trying to be optimistic. Ed gave him a dry look.

"Yeah, she could be anywhere in the country by now," he threw his hands up in the air in exasperation "Hell, she could be well on her way out of the country right about now for all we know." Al was was about to retort, but a car pulled up on the curb next to them, grabbing their attention. The window rolled down and Roy leaned out of it.

"Hey, do you two need a ride?" Al nodded politely and Ed stared at him before scowling.

"Like hell," he abruptly turned away from Roy's amused look "I'm walking!" But before he could continue on his merry way, Al's hand lashed out and pulled him into the car. Al quickly shut the door before Ed could jump out of it.

"Oh thanks Al," Ed grumbled "Now I'm stuck in a car with _him._"

Roy mocked a look of hurt "Why Fullmetal, I though you loved me." Ed grimaced.

"No, not even if you payed me."

"Oh that reminds me," He held out his hand expectantly, Ed just stared at it.

"What? If you think I'm going to give you a high-five or something," Roy cut him off.

"No you idiot, you still owe me 520 cenz." He waved his hand "Hand it over." Ed gaped at him.

"What? You still remember that? I was hoping that you would forget." He growled as he dug through his pockets for the right amount of cash. He was about to hand it over to the Colonel, but he closed his fist around it instead.. "You know what? I think I'm going to keep this a little longer." Roy gave him an annoyed look "At least until you become Fuhrer."

"How do you know about that." Roy spoke sharply and Ed smirked at him.

"Hawkeye told me, so do we have a deal or not, Mustang." Roy gave him a considering look before he smirked himself and nodded.

"Alright then, I'll hold you to it." He glanced back at Ed "But I will get that money back soon enough."

"Yeah right," Ed snorted "Everybody knows that a pessimist doesn't expect to get their things back when people borrow from them."

"...I can make you walk, you know."

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How was that? I actually like this one. Review please!


	9. Hawkeye the Tyrant?

Sorry that I haven't updated in awhile.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

* * *

"_There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva." ~Josh Groban_

It was one of those rarer days at Central Command. No one was planning a military take over, no one was screaming bloody murder once they said the 's' word, everybody was just doing their paperwork.

Though the fact that Hawkeye was walking around with her hand guns cocked had nothing to do with it.

Nope, nothing at all.

"I'm bored." Ed groaned as he laid his head down on his desk. He was forced into the office to do his paper. Hell, before Mustang barged into the library and dragged him out of there, he didn't even know that he had paperwork to do.

"Aren't we all, chief?" Havoc said from the desk across from them. The only reason that the two of them were able to talk at the moment was that Hawkeye left the room to file a few things. Ed was about to reply when he heard the sound of a door opening. The two of them quickly turned back to the paper that they were reading before. They didn't want to face the barrel of Hawkeye's gun. She was more irritable today than normal, when Ed asked about it, Mustang laughed and said something about it being 'that time of the month', and when Ed asked what he meant by that; the man stared at him before quickly walking into his office. Ed had never been more confused in his life. He was even more so when he heard the others trying to suppress snickers. He decided that he would ask Mustang about that again later.

When the group didn't hear the sound of a gun being cocked, they turned around to see Mustang walking out of his office looking exhausted. They watched as he made his way towards the main door and gaped as he opened it.

"Do you have a death wish, Colonel?" Breda screeched and Mustang turned towards him, looking quite bored.

"Well, no. Not at the moment anyways." He rolled his eyes as all of them continued to gape at the man; he knew what they were all thinking. "I don't think Hawkeye is going to kill me for going to the bathroom." His men continued to gape; deciding that explaining to them would be a lost cause, he continued on his way. They continued to stare into the empty space for ten minutes before snapping out of it. Well, until Ed asked another question; he was full of them today.

"Shouldn't the Colonel be back by now?" Ed asked and the others stared at each other.

"Oh my god!" Havoc yelled "Hawkeye probably found him walking around in the halls and shot him on sight, or something!"

"What?" Fuery asked with tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. "We have to do something! What if he is still alive and needs our help!"

"We need to help him; he wouldn't hesitate to help us if we were in this situation." Breda spoke as he got up from his desk; he ignored Ed's comment of 'oh yes he would', and marched to the door. "Now are we going to save our Colonel?" Breda's statement was followed by all of the others cheering, besides Ed.

"Do I have to go?" He whined and placed his head down on his desk again.

"Yes, you do." Havoc answered as he pulled the blond teen up onto his feet and dragged him out the door with the others following.

The brave group of soldiers continued their search throughout Central Command while ignoring the many stares that they were getting, they were pretty used to them by now. They haven't been able to find either Hawkeye, or Mustang. So they were pretty much assuming the worst. Finally Ed heard a paining yowling noise coming from further down the hall.

"Hey, do you guys hear that?" Ed asked and grimaced "It sounds like a dieing cat..."

"Why a cat?" Havoc asked "Why can't it be a seal or something?"

The others just stared at him.

"What?"

"Moving on." Breda started "I think we found where Hawkeye is torturing our beloved leader."

"Beloved? Since when did he become our beloved leader?" Ed asked.

"Shut up, Ed."

The group continued to move down the hall and the howling was getting much louder.

"You know what, I don't think it sounds like a dieing seal anymore. It's more like a dieing whale." The others decided to ignore Havoc, and his little thing for poor dieing sea animals.

"Okay, on three. We charge into here and save Mustang from Hawkeye, okay?" Breda stated, making himself the unofficial leader.

"That's a dumb plan."

"I said shut up, Ed." Ed pouted as Breda moved in front of the door.

"Okay then, _three!"_ Breda yelled as he shoved the door open, he fell into the room with a grunt. The howling stopped for a second before starting up again. It was then that Breda realized that there were words, but he couldn't make out what they meant. So, given the situation, he thought that it was the colonel yelling for help. He got up and noticed that he was in the men's bathroom. Oh, Hawkeye was just plain _evil_. Sneaking up on the colonel when he probably thought that he was safe from her tyranny only to be proved wrong.

Breda turned around as the door opened again and the others stepped inside looking quite sheepish.

"I thought I told you guys to go in on three." Breda whispered harshly.

"You did, but I thought that you were going to count to three." Falman pointed out and the others nodded in agreement.

Breda glared at his incompetent minions "Whatever, next time, you would do well to remember that. Anyways we need to save the Colonel. Let's move out." The others followed behind him, but Ed hesitated for a second.

"Next time...?" He groaned before continuing after them. The all crawled towards the corner that lead to the showers. The horrible noise was coming from behind it. They all heard the words now, but they still couldn't understand what any of it meant.

"Okay, this is it. Behind this corner is our colonel, and the gun happy tyrant. We need to be prepared for the sight that we are about to see..." Breda trailed off to build the suspense. "Anyways, are you all ready?"

They all gave a nod.

"Alright then." Breda took a deep breath and yelled. "CHARGE!" All of the men ran into the room where the showers were lined up against the wall yelling on the top of their lungs, except Ed, who just walked in looking bored.

"What the hell?" A voice exclaimed. Mustang's head peered over the door of a shower stall and all of his men stopped.

"Sir!" Fuery yelled, and the tears in his eyes finally spilt. "Hawkeye didn't kill you!"

"Of course not! What made you think that?" He asked, not bothered by that fact that his whole crew was standing a few feet away from where he was showering.

"Well, there was this terrible noise. We thought that Hawkeye found you and was torturing you." Falman answered and Mustang looked offended.

"Terrible noise? What terrible noise, my singing was beautiful." The other stared at him and Ed began laughing.

"You sounded like a dieing cat!" He howled and slapped his knee; he ignored Havoc when he tried to correct him saying it was a dieing whale. Mustang looked like he was about to retort, probably with another short joke, when the door slammed open again and the sound of boots walking on the tile reached their ears. They all turned to the door and paled when they saw a familiar figure in the doorway.

"Crap!" Ed yelled and bolted for the window; they were only on the second floor. He was pretty sure that he would make it...maybe.

"What are you doing in here, Hawkeye? This is the men's restroom!" Mustang yelled as she pointed her gun at all of the men, and Ed who was having trouble opening that window.

"I went back to the office to find that it was empty." Hawkeye said "So I started to look for all of you. None of you are very quiet." Havoc opened his mouth, but that was all he could do before Hawkeye shot her gun a few feet away from them.

"Get back to work!" She yelled and they all ran past her towards the office. All except Mustang, who was still showering, and Ed, who was halfway out of the window.

Hawkeye sighed as she watched Ed flail around when he got stuck. What did she do to get stuck with these idiots?

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Sorry if there are parts that don't make sense. It's 5:31 a.m here right now, and I should probably get to bed 'cause I can see the sun now...


	10. Dogs and Bacon With Brown Sugar

Again, I'm up insanely early. Well, not as late as last time anyways. I'm still taking requests from people, sorry if I don't get around to yours though. It's usually because I can't think up a good one-shot for it. I'm sorry if I ever end up offending any of you with any of my stories, it's not intentional,

Thanks to all who have reviewed, fav-ed, alert-ed, etc.

And I still don't own FMA. Tried to take it once in a hostile take-over, but you should have seen the kind of artillery they had…

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_"If a dog bites a man it's not news because it happens all the time. BUT, if a man bites a dog now THAT''S news!" –Unknown _(Requested by: **New Wing Alchemist**)

Ed was walking down the hallway of Central headquarters with a broad grin on his face. It grew larger every time he passed someone in the halls, they would always give a double take and gape at him before running off in the opposite direction. Any civilian would think that he was just having a great day, but no, all of the soldiers in Central knew better. They knew what that smile truly meant.

It meant that the Fullmetal was pissed.

His grin would make even Basque Gran tremble in fear. During these strange moments when Ed was like this, he had a bad tendency to rant. More than usual anyways; to the point where you have a pounding headache that screamed at you to just throw the kid out of the window, but you can't because of this so called rule book that is said to exist.

The reason why Ed was a little more than angry today was because of a rather strange incident earlier when he was walking to work, and he wasn't going to tell anybody what happened. Not in a million years.

He stopped in front of Mustang's office door and made sure that his smile was still stretched across his face before slamming the door open. The others in the room glanced up in his direction before paling. Everybody quickly went back to work, not even bothering to greet the young blond. Except for Hawkeye, who only gave him a curt nod before she continued on with polishing her gun.

Ed made his way into Mustang's office. When the door was flung open the man looked up from the piece of paper he was folding into a paper airplane and sighed as he saw the look on Ed's face.

"Who called you short this time?" The man asked as he threw the plane towards Ed, it didn't even make it past the couch. Ed's eye twitch and he ground his teeth together slightly at the s-word.

"Nobody did, though I don't see why you care. You call me short all the time!" Ed snapped. "Even though it's obvious that I'm not." He let his smile drop and let a large frown grow, though he wasn't any happier than he was earlier.

"You're in denial, shrimp." Mustang smirked as Ed began to yell various curses at him and continued to speak over the noise of his subordinate. "Calling you short is my thing, nobody else is aloud to for one, and if nobody called up short… What's with the attitude?"

Ed paused and gave him a look. Not just any look. _The_ look. As if the man was insane for asking such a question. It was like asking if his pants made his butt look big, which made Ed wonder if his did at all. Great, now he was all paranoid about the size of his ass like some woman.

"I don't have to tell you anything." Ed decided on saying after a few minutes of silence. Mustang gave a snort of amusement at that statement, but something in his posture made it seem like he knew more than Ed thought he did, because Ed was smart enough to read peoples minds just by looking at their postures.

"Well that took you quite a bit of time to respond." Mustang said with a smirk. "And I don't quite believe you there, you see, I got a rather…interesting...call not too long ago." Ed paled at the statement. Scar had somehow managed to get a hold of his phone number not too long ago and the man started spamming his voice mail with various creeper messages. He had managed to keep this secret from Al. But what if the man called when he was out and Al answered only to have his innocence ruined even more before he called the colonel in his panic.

"About some incident with some lady's dog this earlier this morning, I think it was about." Oh, okay so he was freaking out over nothing. No wait, this was something, he was supposed to be pissed off right now, not getting lost in thought.

"Oh that?" Ed chuckled, the whole scene was still fresh in his mind and what happened was even more insane than the usual. He shouldn't have listened to Ling about putting brown sugar on his bacon; it screwed around with his head.* "It was nothing, nothing happened at all."

"Really?" Mustang drawled out. "Then why does the dog owner want to press charges against you for assaulting her pet?"

"Is it technically assault if you were attacked first?" Ed wondered out loud as he looked up at the ceiling.

"The dog bit you?" Mustang asked sounding a little surprised and Ed looked over at him before lifting his automail arm.

"Yup, the little bastard grabbed my arm and tried to run off with it or something. I tried to tell the dog to get off but it wouldn't listen to me, so I decided to try a different tactic. I gave it a taste of its own medicine and bit it right on its right arm." He finished with a small smile and looked over at the older man, who had an unreadable expression on his face. The man's shoulders startled to tremble and Ed froze. He just told the man what happened without a second thought, he seriously wasn't going to have anymore bacon with brown sugar anymore.

Right when Ed thought the colonel was going to break out laughing or begin yelling at him, a quiet sob sounded from him, and Ed blinked. Another sob came from the man and Ed walked over to him slowly and tried to catch a glimpse of his face. Suddenly, the man's arm snapped forward and grabbed the collar of his shirt and he was pulled within a few inches of the man's face.

"Rape!" Ed yelled out in surprise but Mustang ignored him.

"How could you hurt a sweet, little dog Ed? You're so heartless!" The man bawled and Ed stared at the man as tears poured down his face in rivers. "You probably gave it rabies or something!"

"Did they run out of coffee in the break room or something? You're all out of character." Ed huffed out, sounding offended at the rabies comment. He was tested for rabies a few months ago, he was clean.

"Yes!" Mustang moaned before letting go of Ed and slumping down over his desk. Ed stared at the man a little longer before bolting out of the room.

* * *

*The whole brown sugar bacon idea is something I got from my friend. Her aunt was over and she fried bacon with brown sugar on it. My friend said that it tasted awesome, even though it would probably be the death of her. I personally have never eaten anything like that before, but I am curious…

Sorry if there are a lot of mistakes in here.

I think that's it. I can't think of anything else to type here. Please review if you can!


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